SYMONS:
And good morning to Peter Costello.
TREASURER:
Good morning, Red.
SYMONS:
I am disconcerted to realise that - I had gotten used to the idea that coppers were much younger than me but I find it very disconcerting that the Federal Treasurer is much younger than me.
TREASURER:
You were a pop star when I was a mere boy, Red.
SYMONS:
You were just a lad. You were probably at Monash University, were you?
TREASURER:
No, I think I was still in short pants.
SYMONS:
Oh, come on.
TREASURER:
We used to see you singing on the stage, and it probably says more about you than me.
SYMONS:
Yeah. Now I actually owe you a great debt of gratitude that you probably don't realise. I was watching the television, I was watching Parliament - yes, I am the guy watching Parliament on television.
TREASURER:
My goodness.
SYMONS:
You knew there was one. And you were being enormously theatrical, and in my view, very musical. You said, "Oh hypocrisy, thy name is Labor".
TREASURER:
Yes.
SYMONS:
I remember that and I thought there is something very musical about that and it inspired me to do something that I have been doing on the radio here, which is turning the speeches of politicians into song. Here is an example:
"Peace requires a new and different Palestinian leadership, so that the Palestinian state can be born..."
Do you know who that is?
TREASURER:
No, I haven't got a clue.
SYMONS:
George Bush.
TREASURER:
Is that right?
SYMONS:
He's a good singer. Do you know who's a very good singer? John Howard.
TREASURER:
I find that hard to believe.
SYMONS:
No, he's fantastic.
TREASURER:
I well, you know, you might have one on me but it's a bit of a surprise. What does he sing?
SYMONS:
I have got a couple of songs that he, one of them is called "Mr Speaker, Mr Speaker", and I think...
RUSSELL:
It's a rap song.
SYMONS:
It's sort of a rap song, but I think I'm guilty. Could you change a law for me?
TREASURER:
Well, what, to help your singing career?
SYMONS:
No, to help your singing career.
TREASURER:
Easily done Red, what is it?
SYMONS:
Well, when Parliament started to be broadcast it's my understanding that there is an embargo. It's against the law to take the footage or the sound from the Parliamentary broadcast and satirise it in any way.
TREASURER:
I don't know. You are certainly allowed to take it for the purpose of news reports. They have it on the news stations all the time.
SYMONS:
But to use it for satire?
TREASURER:
Well, that could be a bit nasty, couldn't it?
SYMONS:
Well, only for you, not for me.
TREASURER:
Whose point of view are we looking at this from, Red?
SYMONS:
Well, I just, if there is anything I can do to help your career, I mean, you've, actually I had a very nice piece of music which I have since lost of you singing, "Oh hypocrisy, thy name is Labor".
TREASURER:
I actually sang, "Money, Money, Money" on an FM Radio Station once and they cut it into a CD and they put it in shops. And my Mum bought one...
SYMONS:
Did you enter into a contractual arrangement with the record company in regard to that?
TREASURER:
I don't know. It was just done on an FM radio station. I got in there one day and they put some words in front of me and they said here, sing this. And it took me, sort of, most of the verse to sort of pick up the tune. But once it got into the chorus I was okay. They thought it was a Treasurer's song.
SYMONS:
Oh yeah, of course, of course, absolutely. The reason we are talking to you, of course, is because you are the number one ticket holder for Esserdon.
TREASURER:
Mmm, I notice you say it the right way, too.
SYMONS:
Yes, without the `n', the silent `n'.
TREASURER:
That's very important.
SYMONS:
Yes.
TREASURER:
Everybody who's been a long term supporter of Esserdon, says Esserdon.
SYMONS:
That's right. But you don't, I read an account from the Daily Telegraph earlier in the year, that suggests you don't really fit in with Esserdon fans.
TREASURER:
Oh no! Very much so. I started my career out at Windy Hill, I think at the age of five - that was a great ground - and I think I am still going pretty strong about 40 years later.
SYMONS:
Yeah, but the account that I read in the paper said that when those other five-year-olds grew up, they all got tattoos and take their shirt off at the match, and you have no tattoos?
TREASURER:
No, no, I want to put that story in context, because I told that story. It was actually out at the Collingwood ground. I was standing out there at Victoria Park one day in the outer with Collingwood fans and it was really hot. I think it was the first game of the year and everyone took their shirts off. And when everyone took their shirts off, I noticed there was something different about me - no tatts.
SYMONS:
No tatts, and you had a collar and tie on as well.
TREASURER:
I didn't quite have a collar and tie on, but I was, you know, I wasn't melding in to the crowd at Victoria Park, but Windy Hill was always a different proposition.
SYMONS:
Now I have to ask a serious question. Are we going to field a side against Iraq?
TREASURER:
Well, it depends what happens, very much, in the UN - the UN passes a resolution which requires weapons inspectors to be given unfettered access, and if Saddam Hussein refuses to allow access then the international community could well take further action. But it is premature to speculate, let's see what the UN resolution is, and let's see what the response is.
RUSSELL:
This conversation has taken so much a serious turn that it is difficult to bring it down to a level of mere sport. But were you Treasurer of the, or were you the Treasurer when Essendon had its salary cap breaches? Were you the number one ticket holder at that time?
TREASURER:
I think I was, actually, at that stage.
RUSSELL:
That's rather ironic.
TREASURER:
And there was not only a problem with the salary cap, but it was at the time when payroll tax and Fringe Benefits Tax was coming in, and a lot of the clubs were very upset about it, and I of course referred all inquiries to the Commissioner in Taxation - it's all his fault - and he happens to be an Essendon supporter too. So we had all bases covered.
RUSSELL:
And there's a bit of a rumour floating around that you weren't all that optimistic about Essendon's grand final chances this year. Did you have a trip planned?
TREASURER:
Yes, well, one of the problems that I always have each year is the IMF meeting which is the meeting of all the world's Finance Ministers. It's in Washington and it is always on the last Saturday in September...
RUSSELL:
Don't they know?
TREASURER:
It's funny you know. I spoke to the Managing Director of the IMF who's a German, who works in Washington, and I said, you have got to realise this is a pretty inconvenient Saturday for a World Finance Conference...
RUSSELL:
The World Football championship is taking place.
TREASURER:
But we couldn't get it moved, so I always have this perennial struggle as to whether I do my work duty and go to that meeting on the last Saturday in September, which is in Washington, or whether I have higher duties at the MCG on the last Saturday in September. And I just had an inkling that I wouldn't be required at the MCG this year.
RUSSELL:
So you're not going to go?
TREASURER:
No, unfortunately, if the Bombers were there I certainly would, but I think it will be Brisbane. I can't see anybody beating Brisbane,. They're just too big and too strong and too tough, and I don't know if Collingwood will get there, but I watched Brisbane in last year's grand final, obviously losing grand final...
RUSSELL:
Yep.
TREASURER:
...for our team, and gee, they were tough.
SYMON:
Do you ascribe to the theory that a Victorian team should be winning?
TREASURER:
Not if it's Collingwood.
RUSSELL:
So you won't be barracking for Collingwood in other words this weekend?
TREASURER:
I think if it wasn't Collingwood I'd ascribe to that theory, but after all of those years of watching Collingwood it is a bit hard, isn't it, to turn around and say "go Maggies"?
SYMONS:
It's one of the reasons that I started barracking for Collingwood because they are so universally disliked.
TREASURER:
Yes. You like being disliked Red?
SYMONS:
It's my comfort zone. Now, I am sure many of our listeners would have seen Australian Story last night with Philip Ruddock, the Minister for Immigration's disagreement, shall we say, with his daughter Kirsty. Have you got kids who disagree with you?
TREASURER:
Oh yes, well they are not that old, they are still teenagers.
SYMONS:
But you're anticipating that they will disagree with you?
TREASURER:
Well, teenagers disagree with their parents on everything from, you know, hairstyles to clothes, to music, so you know, in that sense, but not in a political sense. But look, I think Philip deserves a lot of admiration. His is a very intelligent family, they have differences as you would expect, but they are still a close family and they respect each other's views. In a family you are never going to get people that agree with each other on every issue.
RUSSELL:
What, you mean like you and your brother Tim?
TREASURER:
Well, you know from time to time we would have different opinions, not as many as some people think, but, you know, that's life isn't it. Your families differ over the kind of food they like, the football teams they like, they will differ over public issues, sometimes they'll differ over religious beliefs and you wouldn't want it any other way. You wouldn't want a uniformity of opinion across all households. And I actually think, I spoke to Philip about it yesterday, and he said that she is a very intelligent daughter who has got her own mind, and he is actually quite proud of her, I think. And I think he has handled it pretty well.
RUSSELL:
It could be a very philosophical argument at your household at Christmas to how you should carve that turkey up.
I must just quickly run you through some figures, sports news from today. Carlton has worked so hard to get two draft choices by finishing bottom, it could actually lose one. Now this could be the big story tomorrow. There are stories around that Carlton might have breached the salary cap.
We talked about Essendon doing it earlier on, and losing draft choices and being fined. Whether they fine Carlton, whether it comes to light that they have breached the salary cap, or whether they take one draft choice away it could be the death knoll for John Elliott if that certainly does happen. But watch this space for that. $3 million to the Roos, the Kangaroos are going to get $3 million from the AFL, more money talk. They'll have to use part of that to pay for fixing that (inaudible) trashed by a few of their players, but they'll use that $3 mill wisely, $2 million of that came from the sale of Waverley. Gary Ayre's has been asked to explain his volatile reaction to a gentleman who apparently called him a dog when he was walking through to the crowd after the win by Adelaide against Melbourne. Paul Roos will be announced tomorrow night or Thursday as the new Sydney coach. Speaking of money stuff Mick Malthouse has had another crack at the AFL saying it is too uneven, the salary cap advantage Brisbane gets. Malthouse, the Collingwood coach obviously picking a fight with Brisbane early, so they meet with Brisbane in the Grand Final, he can continue that argument all week. All Australian team announced tonight. Might not be a Collingwood player in it which would be interesting for Eddie Maguire as the President to be announcing it, but James Clement and Buckley a slim chance and Nick Riewoldt obviously the rising star. And the Pakistan cricket walk out is going to be another big story to evolve over the next few days. They have got a three test series against Australia next month. They are having a look at a particular run out between Yousuf Youhana and Saeed Anwar and they have called for the tape of that one.
SYMONS:
Dwayne, you have just made the Federal Treasurer sit through all that, do you realise that?
RUSSELL:
Yeah, sorry about that, you can apologise to him for me.
SYMONS:
Thank you, and our apologies, Mr Peter Costello.
TREASURER:
Thanks very much Red, good to be with you.